PiNaYhUgZ209's Xanga

borrowed from tina.

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 22:54:23 GMT

Here's a tribute to you all. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is a homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This is for the girls who have to pretend it doesn't hurt because she knows that even though her friends say "you're better off without him" or "he doesn't deserve you", she knows that their words were from the heart, but they don't mend hers. This is for the girl who poured her heart into something hoping he'd realize how much he meant to her and how much she meant to him, only to discover that she meant nothing to him all along. This is for the girl who had followed her heart, threw away her inhibitions, thought she had triumphed over all the obstacles, only to find out that her Prince Charming had returned to his "ex-princess". This is for all the nights she listened to every song they heard together, replayed all the times he told her he loved her, looked at every picture they had together, and thought if only she could figure out the exact moment she lost him. This is for all the times she had told herself to be strong and Let It Go, only to find herself calling her bestfriend at three in the morning to tell her she thinks she's going crazy because he won't get out of her mind. This is for all the bestfriends who never faltered to try and pick up their friends from off the floor to give them a hug they know they need. This is for the countless nights they stayed up together trying to find an explanation for a "true love" gone wrong. This is for how bad it hurt coming up with no conclusion.

This is for the girl who swore to never let anyone hurt her that bad again, only to find herself falling for someone who poured salt on that wound. For the girl who needed someone there for her after a bad break up, only to discover that months into it, he had hurt her and used her more than she had been with the previous. This is for the girl who gets called his "true love" on the phone, his "future wife" to her family, and "just a friend" to his friends and other girls. This is for the many times he had walked back into her life and left, just as quick. This is for the girl who took a risk on the guy that swore they were special, gave herself to him, and was left with nothing more than bruises.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over his ex, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you.

I honor you for the night his friend died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep. This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I dont understand - Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else then where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share their lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep them hanging Yet, men- I ask you were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrilling, compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet, and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call .. and if you were to recieve a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediatly call your friends and tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that arguement you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for the nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise; sometimes when that girl in the low cut skirt or the too tight mini skirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing . . we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing. " This isnt me. Tomorrow morning I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast, See through the disguise, See me" You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl. . so dont say you're looking for a relationship - relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty, and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe "nice guys finish last", but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets .. the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug, hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting, however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat.

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 04:33:32 GMT

This xanga is pretty much gonna die . iono why im writing in here, just wanna say some words to mah heroes. haha.

AJ-Gosh i love this guy with all of my heart, he's my hero fer a lot of reasons. But first and foremost, he listened when nobody would, he was the sunshine in mah dark skies, He always knows how to make that bad day into something better, all because im with my dork. He came into mah life at one of mah lowest times, and he saved me frm a stupid mistake that could have also been my last. I admire him, how he stands strong even thru after all hes gone through. People may not understand what hes gone through, but he's loved by a lot of people, and thats a quality most people would love to have. He puts others before himself and tries to help them the best he can, stranger er friend. No matter what, i`ll always love him. thanks fer being there fer meeh. =]

FE & DAiSY- mah two dumbass cousins ! naw j/k .. These 2 are the closest i have to older sisters. We get annoyed wit eachother but we have hella fun when we're together. On mah worst days, i come n kickit with them and forget almost everything. They watch out fer me like a little sister and they listen to mah problems n always try tuh make me laugh instead of hella stressing out over it. They always tell the truth, and thats one thing i can always come to them for, they wont lie to me and they wont leave me out, even though they've left me a couple of times ! lol. its aite, i`ve watched them grow into successful and smart women and i respect them fer all the hard work they've done. family always comes first and i`ll always have their backs no matter wat. i love these two like a fat kid loves cake. ;D

kEViN- this guy has been here fer me through my whole life, except for that period of months we dint talk, but dats a different story. I've known him fer 10 years and i've found someone i knoe is my best friend. He's like my family, we have those late night/early morning talks and hes always that shoulder to cry on, if he cant cry wit me, he`ll make a joke that always works and makes me laugh. He's seen me grow and he's seen me go through changes in life and he's always been there to help me climb something i cant do by myself. Me and him together is chaos, haha people say we act almost alike and we sound alike, its that ateh/ading bestfriend thing, he`s a true friend, and thats something thats very rare to find, thank god he my best friend. ;P

wait i got lazy agen , imma finish later agen. LMAO

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 19:05:37 GMT

yeah hiyeee uhm .. iono wat to write in here. im in L.A. !!! yeaaaaaaaaaaaah ! oke bye.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Sat, 07 May 2005 14:13:54 GMT

050605 <3

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 04:15:32 GMT

hmm well i promisd i would return tuh this xanga wehn all was better. wel i guess yuuu could say it is, although i almost busted out crying sunday but its all good. im permanantly bloggin at EGSPLiZiT_SHAWTY .. soo yeahh guhhbye !! =Pp

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 23:48:20 GMT

Take chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Say no. Spend all of your money. Fall in love. Get to know someone random. Be random. Say I love you even though they may not say it back. Sing out loud. Laugh till your stomach hurts. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone that they are your entire world. Let someone know what he or she is missing. Live life to the fullest. Live in the moment. And remember that life is all about chances... So you might as well take them.

Wait for the guy who would do anything to be with you, the one who makes an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of boy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the boy who will be your best friend, the person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances. Wait for the boy who makes you smile like no other, and when he smiles you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who tells you that he dreams about you. Wait for the boy who puts you at the center of the universe because he wouldn't want it any other way.

Someone out there was meant to be the love of your life, your best friend, your soul mate, the one you can tell your dreams to. He’ll smile at you when you tell him, but he'll never laugh at your heart. He’ll brush the hair out of your eyes and send you flowers when you least expect it. He’ll stare at you during the movies, even though he paid $8 to go see it. You’ll put his picture in a frame by your bed. He’ll call you to tell you goodnight before you go to sleep just because he was thinking of you. He’ll look into your eyes and tell you that you're the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, and for the first time in your life...you'll believe it.

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.

Tell her you think she’s wonderful. Tell her why you think she’s so wonderful. Pick her up & act like she’s going to go in the pool, she'll scream & fight you, but secretly, she'll love it. Tell her she looks beautiful. Introduce her to the guys as the most amazing girl ever. Look in her eyes. Protect her. Let her mess with your hair. Tickle her, even if she says stop. When she swears at you, tell her you love her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her. Kiss her. Give her piggyback rides. Watch every single romantic comedy she wants, complain and tease her about how corny it was, but still always watch it. Give her space if she needs it. Kiss her forehead. Let her wear your clothes. Be slow. Wipe away her tears when she’s sad. Let her take all the photos of you she wants. Make her feel loved. Kiss her in the rain & when you fall in love with her, tell her.

i`m still on that road. getting over it. dont know how long it'll take. till dehn .. peace.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 07:24:45 GMT

there is no use in cryin over spilt milk. wuht was yer weakness ccan make you stronger. make yer fears fear you. turn that anger n all those tears into a smile. blink away the tears. you can do anytuhing yu believe in. if you beelive then it's possible. a better person. thats wuht i want to be. yeah better. happier. persistent. smart. active. and mostly keep my heart out of my head. life is just begining . i know that whatever you set your mind to, yu can surely achieve. until i meet my goal. peace out.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 21:26:44 GMT

my life is turnin up in so many ways .thank you.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 00:54:11 GMT

well the weekend was fun. but tuhdaii was a crash back tuh reality. i heard dat adrianna was tawkin shiit. sayin dat wuht happened at the formal was a joke & that i shudnt believe him. well .. unless someone tells me swomething i`m gonna lose my mind. GAH, peepos told me not believe her but ... could she be telling the truth. someone help mee! = (

Monday, February 07, 2005

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 05:42:27 GMT

formal waaas funn funn fun! well i went tuh desirees around 3 .. then i got lost. = / wehn i finally got tuh her house i realized i dint have mah bid # & id so mah mom had tuh go back and get it. and we dint even need dat shiiet. wtf!? hahaha. then i saw orona on da couch and got hella scared. feril dhoe .. he hella scares mee. =] .. desi was gettin her make up and hair done. steveo and lee hela kept calling while desirees cuzn was doin my makeup cuz we were late. so we were droppeed off at black angus so dat we wudnt have tuh wait. i accidentikly gave desirees mom the wrong directions tuh lees house .. soo dat was my bad. ahaha. den me, orona & desi went tuh longs tuh mess around. me and orona were havin hela fun gangin up on desiree. hee hee. i hella used that tester fer that jessica simpson perfume? desert? ooh daym smelled hell good smells like cookies .. yuumm. hha. then we went back tuh black angus and made fun of all the SM heads in ther. i was all oh shit i dunt go tuh SM. hahah. i`m a bad lyer. one of the guys scratched his ass? = \ lol. orona was hella laughing man..makiing fun of shit. we sat and ordered and sum old lady scared us givin us free coupons. haha hella wierd mang .. anywayy .. steveo and lee finally arrived .. they looked helllla cute. well we were talkin on the phone tuh kevin. he cudda gone. fuckin ass. haha. well steveo kept takin mah coke, and i was hella hyper. i got a natural high. =] . i was jusz talkin tuh lee and steveo and desi and orona were talkin bout sum other stuffs. so yehh tina calld mah cell and told me that they were almost there. so we bounced and we were listenin tuh snoop dogg in the car. hha. LETS GET BL0WN!! oh shiiet. i tortured orona. haha. steveo hella tried trowin mnah cds. and me lee &b desi were jusz hella laughing in the back. wehn we arrived .. i saw tinna and all dem and i saw chrischon. hha. how short rii? lol. i was taller dan him. so yeahh we got in and i chilled wyt chrischon and the whole group. i met Leesah & her boyfriend. they so cuute. me & lee told leesah we`d have her back. so yeahh i lost chrischon after he went tuh the bathroom? i feel hella badd. haha. so yehh kikd it wyt JR, PETER, LEE, STEVEO, ERIC, DESIREE, ORONA, & ASHTON. LOL. sum funn stuff happned. ;D riight? hee hee. ssshhh. so yeahh da night was fuun. danced, laughed, and jusz hd a whole bunch of stuff happen. then yeahh thats basically it. lol. well yeahh. i`m hella tired, so i`mma bounce. peeace.